Being present is probably one of the most difficult things to do today. The pace of life with jobs and especially adding kids can make it seem like there isn’t enough time. As little time as it might seem we have, being present is still a choice. Unfortunately, something can unexpectedly take time from us and keep us from being present with our spouses. That small device that we seemingly cannot put down during the day. Yes, it’s our phones.
Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a rant about cell phones (although it would be very, VERY easy to do so). But for as many of us who wish there were more hours in the day, sometimes the solution is right in our hands. In our marriages, we should be aware of potential foxes that can cause damage. Song of Solomon talks about catching foxes that spoil the vineyard when it is in blossom (Chapter 2 verse 15). When varmints chew on the vines near the ground, it separates them from the roots (life source), and while they may look green still, death is starting to occur.
It can be easy to escape with our devices, even if it’s something positive. Time spent not engaged and present can easily turn into an escape. We need to make being attuned to our spouses a priority. Attunement is being aware of someone’s emotions/feelings. While both spouses should seek this for each other, 1 Peter 3:7 calls husbands to “…live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Living with your wives in an understanding way means being attuned to their thoughts, emotions, and feelings. The answer to how is simple: be curious. Be willing to be a detective, and try to achieve a Ph.D. in what your spouse is experiencing.
It can be easy to let what has become familiar to us (our spouse) be taken for granted. We have to choose to engage, be present, and continuously be a student of our spouse.