Marriage Minute

We could say that marriage isn’t easy but that’s a given. That’s not to say it’s not worth fighting for. When life keeps us busy, it can be easy for time together to wane. If that’s not something that’s routinely done, it won’t seem alarming. We’ve noticed when we spend time consistently with each other, when we don’t it’s obvious. We notice it, we feel it. Not that the other things going on aren’t good. But perhaps it’s interrupting the order of things. And the order is important.

This may come as a shock for some, but your marriage is the most important relationship in your family. That includes your children. Now before you delete, unsubscribe, and grab your pitchfork & torches, let’s unpack this. That statement is not saying don’t love your children. Please do. That statement isn’t saying don’t raise them up in the fear and joy of the Lord. Please, please do so. What we’re talking about is order. 

First, a healthy marriage will trickle down into the parental-child relationship. When the marriage is healthy, children will thrive. Secondly (if I’m saying this to my children and we already have), “When ya’ll move out, mom will still be here…and you better call before you show up!” The relationship you have with your spouse will outlast, Lord willing, the length of time you are rearing children in your house. Put in the investment with your spouse when you can, especially during the child-rearing years, so you can reap the accumulation of sowing. It can be easy to put more of a focus on kids during that time frame. What can happen (and I’ve seen it first hand) when there are no investments over time, kids move out and away, and you realize that your relationship has been stagnant and it can cause a lot of problems. It’s a cultural phenomenon called “gray divorce”. Having kids created a shift in the marriage to where spouses were not intentional with their time. The marriage became child-centered and revolved around running a taxi/ferry service for kids to activities and when the kids graduated high school and got married, the empty-nesters looked at each other and said “I don’t even know who you are!” And that leads many to end their marriages. 

The intentionality is just like our faith walk with Christ. The more we spend time with Him, the closer we are to Him…when we miss a day or some time with Him, we feel it. We notice it. When we spend time in the Word, in prayer, in solitude talking with Him, that moves us to spend more time with Him and it grows the relationship…even if it’s just small amounts, but intentional.

It’s the same way with our marriages. Small deposits of intentionality, even scheduled, are crucial in the long term. We didn’t realize this for a while. We didn’t start routine date nights until year 15 of our marriage. We realized on accident if our kids participated in Awana, we got 2 hours to go sit down at Biggby during 1/2 off happy hour to talk with each other.

Fight for your marriage with Christ as your cornerstone. Fight for your marriage with your time. It makes a world of difference.