6 years- That’s how long “unhappy couples” wait until they seek marriage counseling/therapy according to the Gottman Institute. That is a VERY long time time to wait for help. If we had a car making a loud noise while driving, would we wait 6 years before taking it to a shop? Of course not! We want to determine the cause and replace the part if necessary. Why would we wait so long to seek help in our marriage? Considering it is much more valuable than a car, right?
Perhaps we didn’t grasp what marriage would truly ask of us when we had the wedding, all the pomp and circumstance of the reception and jetting off to a honeymoon trip. It’s interesting because even Jesus’ disciples were shocked when he responded to a trapping question by the Pharisees in Matthew 19. They had asked Jesus a divorce question and tried to put him into a corner. Jesus responded in a way that was grounded in Old Testament law and yet challenged their presuppositions about why God allowed for divorce. Verse 10 says “Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!”
This challenged the disciple’s thoughts on marriage. What were their assumptions about the permanency of marriage that Jesus challenged? Did they realize there was a much larger weight or gravity to that relationship? We believe this can/should be a wake-up call for all of us. Even more so to those seriously considering marriage. Do you realize what marriage will ask of you? Do you understand the weight of the relationship you are desiring to/already stepping into? Are you willing to encourage this person daily, regardless of their attitude? Are you willing to sacrifice your wants, and seek the betterment and sanctification of your spouse, to bring glory to God? If we think and pray over these things, perhaps when trouble or issues come, we will seek help quicker to begin healing, reconciliation, and unity within our marriages.